Shot Gun Kiss
by ShotGunKissandBeyond
Summary: The life and love of Mail Jeevas and Mihael Keehl, of Matt and Mello, from begginning to sorrowful end.
1. Chapter 1

It was raining on and on as far as the eye could see. Or at least, as far as I could see behind my tear streaked goggles. I loved my goggles. I had had them for as long as I remember. As for the tears, they were pouring down for a couple reasons. One: It was storming out. I am terrified of storms. The black pitiless sky, the loud and earth shaking thunder, lighting that always manages to hit the power box and shut off the electricity while I'm in the middle of beating the final boss on a video game before I have a chance to save. Shut up, storms are scary. Two: I have no idea where the heck I'm going or what's gonna happen to me. And trust me, that's scarier than you think. Three: I just watched my parents murdered before my eyes yesterday, on my birthday none the less. Yup. Congrats Mail, your five. Yay...not.

Anyway, the weird old dude in front driving the car (did I mention I'm in a car?) suddenly turned down an old gravel road and glanced back at me through the window and smiled. "We're almost there." he smiled, before looking back at the drenched and just plain unsafe looking road. I wanted to scream back at him "ALMOST WHERE? I WANT MY MOM! WHO THE HECK ARE YOU?" but that would be stupid. I don't have a mom anymore, even if she wasn't much of a mom in the first place. But still, she was my mom.

I looked back outside the fogged up window and sighed. The usual orange tint of the world I had through my goggles didn't comfort me at all this time when another huge crack of lightning lit up the sky. The guy pulled through a giant black steel gate with the words "Wammy's House" carved out on top. In front of us was this huge old Victorian looking mansion thingy. An orphanage, big shocker there. The old guy, Watari I think his name was, stepped out and opened the car door for me. I honestly didn't want to get out. I wanted to sit in the corner here until I disappeared or woke up from this nightmare. Except it wasn't a nightmare, it was real, and there was no one left to comfort me even if I did wake up.

He offered his hand to me, and I weakly took it, allowing myself to be dragged out gently and lead inside the house. I only had one little sling bag holding two changes of clothes, and my video games. I didn't own anything else. But then again, I never needed anything else until now. I was beginning to wish that I could have been a freaking normal five year old and have a Teddy bear or something lame like that to hold on to. Something. Someone. Anything.

Eventually Watari took me to an old office and sat down behind it, gesturing for me to sit down in one of the chairs in front. I just kinda stared back at him, occasionally glancing out the huge window beside him at the evil black storm of doom, as I had decided to name it. The old guy smiled sadly before clearing his throat and saying gently "Mail, do you know why you were taken to this house instead of any other orphanage?"

Of course I knew. Not a lot of five year olds can read college level books and speak fluently in any language other than their own. Not a lot of five year olds could hack in to the FBI data base and access whatever information they wanted to, without even raising an alarm. Or get an ATM machine to give you unlimited amounts of cash without a card or a pin or anything. Or beat video games made for teenagers that are supposed to be unbeatable. The list goes on. But I sure as hell didn't want to answer him. I don't think my heart could handle it. Instead I nodded slightly and started nervously clenching the edge of my striped black and white shirt.

Watari must have been used to this or something cause he nodded like I had just explained all that to him before saying "Have you ever heard of the detective called L?" I nodded again, I mean, who didn't know who L was? He continued "Well at this school and house, you will have the chance to improve your talents and your knowledge so that one day you may become the next L. But of course, you can't keep your name, as I informed you in the car. You will become dedicated to this. You will never be known as Mail Jeevas again. Is that what you want? It is your choice."

Wow. He must be really used to telling kids this. I'm pretty sure he just crammed an entire speech in to like three sentences. But he wasn't talking to me like I was, well, a kid. He was talking to me like I was an adult. No one has ever done that before. I nodded, though cringing slightly at another crash of thunder. I think storms follow people around for a living so they can freak them out at the worst times.

"Then what is your new name going to be?" Well that's fairly easy to answer. I mean it's not like he hadn't asked me about that like fifty times on the plane ride and the drive. Oh no, that would be outrageous. "Matt." I had meant for my voice to sound firm, like I was cool with all this, like I wasn't phased at all. Instead it came out like the weak little kid I was. Or at least, that's what I thought it sounded like. Maybe I'm insane.

"Very well then Matt, you may come and I'll take you to the playroom, you can meet the other children there, while I get your schedule set up and figure out where you're going to room." I nodded, and he took my stuff. He didn't know I had already slipped out my DS and had hidden it in the back pocket of my ripped blue jeans, which were always a bit too tight no matter what size I got them in, even though I was actually way to skinny for my age. He lead me to this giant white painted room, filled with bean bag chairs, puzzles, desks, games, a giant T.V, and of course, like ten or twenty other kids. Yeah, I'm antisocial. Sue me. He smiled kindly at me one more time, before walking away. Crap. Now what?

I walked, or more so dragged myself over to a corner away from as many kids as I could, and started playing my game. It's okay Mai- Matt. It's okay Matt, just relax and play your worries away, shroud yourself in a nice virtual bubble and they might leave you alone- "hey new kid, what's with those goggles?" some kid sneered, walking in front of me. I think the universe just loves to prove me wrong and screw me over. Of course I was the ever smart and sensible one and ignored the kid.

"Hey dipshit I'm talking to you." he hissed, knocking my DS out of my hands and against a wall some ten feet away. I looked up at him through my goggles, which were luckily now tearless, thanks to the edge of my shirt. Black military looking hair, a bit to buff to be a normal kid, about double my size, great. Just what I need. I calmly got up and started walking over to my precious technology. Of course, this only managed to piss off whoever-the-heck-this-dude-is even more, 'cause he suddenly grabbed me by the front of my shirt, pulled me up a foot off the ground and shoved me against the wall before ripping off my even more precious goggles. He grinned creepily, and then, just for good measure and in case I wasn't traumatized enough, he dropped me, or should I say threw me back on the floor.

I stared with large pain filled green eyes back at him, literally feeling the tears well up and begin to pour out again. He smirked one last time before walking back to his friends and starting to toss around the goggles. I shrunk back in to the corner, pulled my knees up to my chest, and cried. Shut up, I'm five! I don't give a damn about what anybody thinks, anyway. My dad gave me those goggles. "Hey Mello, check it out, I stole these from that new kid, and look at him, ha, he's crying!" I heard the bastard laugh, though I didn't look up to see who this Mello guy was. That was until I felt someone put their hand under my chin and lift my face up. It hurt a bit, but the pain was drowned out completely by the angel I'm pretty sure I was seeing. Longish blonde hair, icy blue eyes, porcelain like skin...who cares if he was a dude.

The guy, who couldn't be anything over a year older than me, looked down in to my probably weak ass looking eyes. I was expecting him to laugh at me. Instead, his piercing eyes softened slightly and he turned back to the bastard (yeah that's him new name). "Ashtion, give me back the kids goggles." So that's the bastards name. Huh. "wha-? Mello, are you siding with that nerd? What the hell dude?" Mello. That was his name. Mello turned completely around, smoothing out his all black clothes which only suited him even more, and cracked his knuckles before charging. I ducked my head back down, fearing the next punch would be on me. But it never came.

Instead I felt a hand slip my goggles over my head and around my neck gently, and I dared to peak up. "Are you okay?" Mello asked, grinning. I nodded weakly. "I'm Mello." he smirked, holding out his hand. I took it happily, smiling ever so slightly, something I rarely did. "Matt." The blonde hellion helped me up, and lead me over to retrieve my DS, walking over the crumpled form of the bastard Ashtion just for the heck of it on the way. This only made me smile a bit more. I'd never had a friend before, never had someone stick up for me. Maybe life here wouldn't be so bad...

Watari came back a few minutes later, holding a schedule and a room key, and handing both to me. "Ah, good, you've already met Mello. That's great, as you'll be rooming with him for the pro-seeable future." I glanced back at the blonde, who grinned back and took my hand and lead me to our new dorm. After I had walked around it for a little while, and put away my sad amount of stuff, he looked over to me with a new look in his eyes. "So…wanna come help me steal some chocolate from the kitchen?"


	2. Chapter 2 Storms

**AN: Okayz, before I start the next chapter, I have a few things to say first. 1. Thank you CatatonicVanity for being the first person to review, your awesome! Also thanks to all the other people who reviewed and have been PMing me. I like talking to people. 2. I'm not always going to be in Matt's POV, just for you guys to know, and I'm probably going to skip around with dates and ages and stuff, it won't be all in order all the time. 3. Last of all, I realized I had forgotten to write my disclaimer in the last chapter, so here it is.**

**Death Note does not belong to me, obviously, 'cause if it did, Matt and Mello would be alive and ruling the world and Beyond would be sitting happily in a castle made out of Jam with L as his queen. ^.^ enjoy.**

**CatatonicVanity was also was nice enough to help me edit my trainwreck grammer skills, so Thanks! **

About five hours had passed since Mello and I had snuck down to the kitchen and stole, what was in my opinion, about four months worth of chocolate. Apparently with Mello, it would only last about a week. On the way there and back he explained all about Whammy's, about the ranking, and about the so called arch enemy of all things good and Mello, Near. Honestly, how bad could the kid be? And then we met him on the way to our room… Let's just say it wasn't pretty. I guess he's my enemy now too.

Anyway, we found out that I had all my classes with Mello, which made me happy. We had then sat down and "bonded", as parents loved to say about their kids making new best friends. I guess that's what he is now, my best friend. I've never had a best friend before. I had also realized by now that Mello, in my eyes, was perfect, screw Near and L. Now he was sitting on his bunk, the top one of course, writing a five page plus essay about something they learned in class, swearing that it was his best work ever and that Near didn't stand a chance.

He was right, from what I could read. It was worthy of a museum, right up with the Declaration of Independence and The Constitution. But then again like I had realized a few moments ago, everything Mello did was perfect from what I could see.

I was sitting on the couch, playing some random video game in one hand (that I was not focusing on at all mind you) and hacking into Whammy's files on my laptop with the other. I finally managed to break in, but geeze, how much security does this place need? Anyway, I scrolled down the list of students, looking for only one person, Mello. But of course, these files all had real names on them, not aliases. Which one could be his? Aiden Nach, A, Beyond Birthday, B, Ashtion Cowie, C (bastard), Linda Kier, K, L Lawliet, L, Nate River, Near, Mail Jeevas, Matt/Me,...Mihael Keehl, M. That had to be it. Mihael Keehl.

I went to click open the file, when suddenly the files shut down and changed codes, instantly locking me out. Damn genius computer designers... But after all, this place is a house for geniuses. Who knows what would happen if an outsider got in?

"Mihael..." I whispered. The name was so perfect. It wasbeautiful.

"Did you say something Matt?" I heard Mello suddenly ask, the blonde looking over the edge of his computer at me.

"Wha- no?" I quickly replied, focusing back on my DS when another huge crack of lightning lit up the room. I whimpered softly, ducking down against the couch. I suddenly was very glad about how long my red bangs and hair was, 'cause now I could no longer see out from underneath them.

"Hey Matt, are you okay?" Mello asked, and I could literately feel his eyes bore in to my head.

"Ye- yeah. I'm fine," I hissed back, straightening up and fixing my hair as much as I could.

Or that was until Mello leaped down from his bed and for the second time that day lifted my head up to stare in to his eyes. People say eyes are the mirrors to the soul, and that saying was yet another reason I wear my goggles. I don't want people looking in my soul. Mello noticed the inability to see my eyes and quickly slid the goggles off my face and back around my neck.

Mello's eyes are like blue fire-wait, no, scratch that. They're like dry ice, crystal and gleaming blue, but it hurts like hell to touch. Huh. That sounds exactly like him. Beautiful and painful as hell.

Anyway, he stared down deep enough, and without my goggles, he could see all, and I mean all, the things I felt. I bet it wasn't a pretty sight. "Matt... Are you scared of thunder storms?" He smirked before bursting out laughing. I glared back at him, before cringing at a crack of thunder and dragging myself over to the corner I had claimed as mine.

"Asshole," I hissed back, trying to keep myself from having a melt down and completely freaking out. I buried my head in my arms and pulled my knees as close as I could to my chest, trying to calm my breathing the heck down. I heard Roger call it was lights out in five minutes.

I hadn't realized how late it was. So, I stood up and crawled back to my bed, the lower bunk. On the way I peeled off my shirt and jeans and pulled on some black sweatpants and t-shirt, curtsey of Watari. Mello had gotten changed a while ago, and was slipping down into his covers, still laughing under his breath. Another crack of thunder managed to hit right on cue as the lights went out, and I quickly dived under my covers. Mello laughed again. I ignored him and buried myself under the blankets before slipping in to what I hoped to be a peaceful sleep.

And then I woke up hearing screaming, the image of my parents' dead and rotting faces frozen in my mind, and I thought it was their screams echoing in my ears. I realized there was a force holding down my wrists and putting pressure on my stomach. This of course made me panic more, and I struggled to get out.

"Matt open your eyes, it's okay, it was just a nightmare. We all had them the first few nights just wake up!" I opened my eyes and realized it wasn't their screams I was hearing, but my own, and the force holding me down was Mello who was sitting on my chest and pinning my wrists down. I also realized that I was practically drenched from head to toe in sweat, and that and tears were pouring down my face. The bed sheets were on the floor, twisted and hastily thrown down. I looked back at the beautiful blonde angel above me.

"M-Mello..?" I tried to whisper, but my voice failed me and I whimpered as another roar of thunder shook the house.

I expected Mello to laugh. Who wouldn't? I, the strong hacker extraordinaire with the kickass attitude Matt had been reduced down to crying and screaming by a nightmare. "I'm so pathetic." I whispered to no one. I suddenly felt myself be picked up and carried up before being placed on something warm and soft. Mello's bed. Holy shizz I was in Mello's bed!

"No you're not, calm the hell down." The blonde whispered as he slid in next to me and placed an arm around me lightly. "It's okay Matt, you're not alone and they're not here. You won't be like me when I first came here."

"Why's that?" I managed to whisper, pulling myself closer to him.

"Because I'll be here for you. But this is only till your nightmares are gone you hear? And if you tell anyone about this I swear to God I will kill you!"

I nodded, closing my eyes and drifting back to sleep in his skinny arms. The nightmares disappeared for quite a while. And a few weeks later Mello made Roger get rid of the bunk beds and replace them with a single queen sized one.


	3. Chapter 3 Fury

**Alright, so this is the first age change chapter, they won't always be this old. It will change each chapter. It's still in Matt's POV though, but I will(maybe) switch to Mello's or maybe even Near's POV later. Oh, and one more thing, for the next chapter I'll give you guys a choice, either Mello gets sick or a group of idiots pick on Mello. Up to you. ^.^ **

Mello: Age 14 Matt: Age 13

It had been an utterly unproductive and boring day, Mello and I had just finished testing, and trust me, those things are awful. I honestly didn't try a ton on the test, I had already ranked third at Wammy's, with Mello in second and Near in first. I knew I would never beat Mello, on purpose or otherwise, it would probably make him snap. But just between you and me, I could if I actually tried, but I know for a fact Mello deserves it so much more. He tries harder than anyone at this school, and he is the only one I can see who could be the next L. I don't apply myself enough either way.

I was now sitting in the common room, which was still empty 'cause the rest of the kids were either still testing or too tired to come down. I had dragged all the beanbags in to one giant blob and was lounging happily on it, beating my top score on Zelda yet again. I currently held the top four scores on it and I wanted to move that to the top five. I looked up at the clock for a second. It was now one. That meant the ranks were being posted right about now. I sighed, not interested enough to get up and knowing I was still in third, and went back to my game.

A few minutes passed and a few kids came in and started talking and playing. Most of them stayed away from me, which made me smile to myself. Suddenly the door slammed open and Mello flew in. "God damn that mother fucking stupid dumbass-gonna kill him- GAHHHHHH NEAR!" he roared, grabbing the nearest kid's puzzle and flinging it against the wall. He tore through the room, grabbing toys and cell phones and whatever else he could find. He was like a hurricane. Most of the kids who hadn't fled when he first came in quietly slinked out now, while a couple continually tried to stand up to him or stop him. They were either idiots or new kids or both, and I know for a fact we have no new kids. They were beaten down.

I suddenly felt my DS be snapped out of my hands. I looked up at Mello. He had never destroyed one of my things before. He had always made a point not to. However, I didn't want to take any chances. I quickly grabbed his arm, stopping him from smashing my precious DS and asked calmly "Can I have my game back?" Mello froze, his fury filled eyes looking from the game, to me, than back to the game. I thought he was gonna punch me, and apparently all the other kids still here did to cause they all either looked away or whispered "He's dead." None of the other kids had ever dared to even think about asking for one of their things back before. But I'm not just "some kid" I guess.

Instead his eyes softened slightly and he sighed, before handing me back my DS and sitting down on my pile of beanbags, his head resting on his arms which were folded over his knees. I plopped back down next to him. "Thanks." I smiled back, and started gaming again. "How the hell does he always beat me, Matty?" Mello suddenly asked, looking up at me, his beautiful eyes now sad. He knows I hate that nickname but the way he said it this time almost made me want to hug him.

"He never even tries to but he always does." I paused my game and looked at him, sliding my goggles down around my neck. By now all the other kids had left. "He didn't beat you. It can't even be considered a victory if he didn't even try. Not like you. You always try, and that makes you so much better than that damned albino. You'll always be better than him. You know what? Near can just go to hell." I said quietly, my emerald green eyes looking straight in to his. Mello looked at me to. I'm pretty sure we just sat there looking at each other for about ten minutes. I could literally feel time creep annoyingly slowly by. I swallowed hard. What if he thought I was lying, or picking Near's side, even though that was obviously not true. More and more what-ifs flooded through my head.

Eventually he spoke, with all the anger and sadness gone from both his voice and his eyes. "Thanks Matty." My heart froze at those words and I realized yet another thing. It was probably the biggest thing I'll ever realize. I, Matt, Mail Jeevas, was deeply and truly in love with Mello, Mihael Keehl. Age be damned, I was in love.

A few more minutes passed in silence as I managed to nod at him and say "No problem." He stood up and held out his hand, which I gladly took, and we walked back to our dorm. Along the way the other kids looked shocked at Mello and me, as most of them thought for sure I was a dead boy. Mello glared at a few of the staring boys, who all automatically glanced away or left. I'm pretty sure one of the younger ones started to cry a bit. "That's what I thought." He smirked. Some things never change, and I hope Mello is one of them. Of course, I must admit I was pretty pissed when Linda, one of Mello's little fan girls as I liked to call them, came over and started flirting. "You got second, you must be pretty happy," She smiled, wrapping an arm around him. I scowled. "Yeah, I guess, though I would like to beat Near." He smirked back, looking down at her. "I know you will next time, that dumb little geek doesn't stand a chance either." The "geek" as she addressed me was about ready to punch her. I didn't want to admit it, but that hurt a little bit. Even if I knew Mello didn't really like her and was only using her cause she got him really good chocolate on Valentine's Day. If only he would notice I got him a better, more expensive kind for him too. I walked past the two, quickly, heading to our room, not caring if the bitch saw. "I guess he heard that. Oh whatever, let's go out Mel-" Her words were cut off as I slammed the door shut behind me. A few seconds later the door opened again, and in walked the blonde. Outside I heard Linda shriek "But Mello?" "Sorry bitch, you heard me, your ass just got rejected. Now don't insult my Matty again or I won't hesitate to hit a girl, got it?" he snapped, closing the door behind him again. I looked up at him. He smiled and sat down next to me. "Sorry about her. I'm done with her, she never had a chance." He smirked before leaning down and whispering quietly in my ear "And plus, I don't fly that way."


	4. Chapter 4 Bully

**Yay it's my first chapter in Mello's POV! I feel accomplished. Feedback would be nice, I haven't written in his POV before and my Mello is too lazy to get up and help right now…. Oh well. Thank you Jaunt for finishing chapter ten in Hacker, now you get to review all of these chapters too at one in the morning. Have fun ^.^ **

Mello: age 9 Matt: age 8

Mello's POV:  
I hate Saturdays so freaking much. There's nothing to do, we don't have classes, and all the other kids are usually either really pumped about getting a good ranking score and were out bragging about it, or they were super pissed and were sulking with their friends. I was torn. I could either go outside and play soccer with the sickeningly happy kids, or I could go and hang out with the sulking ones. Ah decisions, decisions.

I looked around the common room where I was currently sitting. There were a few kids here and there, I knew a few of them. That dumbass Ashtion, and his little posse of rejects were all sulking together off to the side. In all honesty I actually wanted to get up and go find Matt instead of hang out with anyone, but he was busy. He was in some stupid Hacking class he really didn't need but Roger insisted upon it. I felt someone poke my shoulder. Big mistake. I looked up and glared as harshly as I could. It was Ashtion.

"Hey Mello. Whatcha doin? Waiting for your boyfriend to get back?" he grinned at me. Oh my god I am going to kill him. I stood up in an instant and lunged out to punch him but his friends grabbed me and slammed me back against the floor. "You know, I was actually planning on visiting your little boy toy later, isn't that right boys?" he hissed down in my face, grinning as the other boys nodded and laughed a bit. "If you touch a single goddamn hair on his head I swear I will kill y-" I was cut off by a punch.

"Yeah, like I'm gonna be scared of a fag who looks like a girl and can't even get first place in anything." Ashtion laughed. That one hurt. I started trying to shove off the bastards holding me down. Instead they lifted me up and shoved me against the wall. "You'll never beat Near, you'll always be a failure, and you'll never deserve anyone as your friend. Not even that dumb little nerd of yours." He yelled in my face, punching me as an accent with each word.

I hate to complain or show weakness but damn this guy punches really hard! I didn't show that to him though. He continued to punch me, the other guys holding me against the wall taking a few turns as well. Stupid cheater. If it were me against say….four or five of them I'd definitely win, but he had at least ten guys, who had pinned me down. I hate him so much. Plus he threatened Matty. No one threatens Matty.

"Pathetic, stupid, fag-" his words were suddenly cut off and I never felt the next punch connect. I looked down. Matt was standing right in front of me, a death glare on his face, his eyes cold and steely. He had taken the punch. "You wanna say that again? Mello is three times the man you'll ever be, _Cowie_!" he hissed before charging forward and attacking the boys, just like I had for him when we first met.

I never noticed this before, but he can really fight when he wants to. I guess all those violent video games payed off.

As soon as both Ashtion and his posse were on the ground moaning he grabbed my hand gently and lead me back to our room. I was still too stunned to move on my own. Once we were back and he had me sitting on the edge of the bed, his glare dropped and he pulled off his goggles. "Mells look your bleeding." he whispered softly, running to the bathroom and then running back with a first aid kit I didn't know we had. Matt then carefully started cleaning the cut on my cheek with a small cloth and some peroxide which honestly hurt like a mother too.

He whispered I'm sorry a few times and stopped each time I winced. Geeze those guys, stupid as they were, were right. I really don't deserve him. Finally he pulled away and grinned. "Wow that cut makes you look totally badass!" he laughed. I laughed a bit back. "Thanks Matty." I smiled. He nodded and replied "That's what I'm here for." Before handing me a bar of chocolate and skipping, and yes, I did say skipping, over to the couch where he started kicking some guys ass on a video game.

Yup. Thank god for violent video games. And cute little red heads who bring me chocolate and skip away and beat up people for me even though he's weak as hell and wears goggles all the time except when he's around me 'cause he knows I love his eyes. Wait, did I just say cute? Well he is pretty cute now that I think about it. I unwrapped the chocolate and took a bite from the corner with a nice, clean crack.

He had a bruise of his own forming on his side from where he was hit, I just knew it, but I had a feeling I wouldn't be given a chance to touch it. All he cared about right now was me. I'll get him some ice later or something, it's gonna be a bitch in the morning. I suddenly got an idea. Now if only I could get Matt to beat up Near...

Speaking of Near, I think it was time we payed him a little visit. "Hey Matt, did you finish those custom smoke Bombs I asked you to make?" I called over to the couch. "Of course, they're under the bed." I reached down and pulled out a black shoebox and opened it. It was filled with what looked like mini grenades. Oh yeah. Thank god for Matt. This was going to be a very fun day after all...


	5. Chapter 5 Sickness

**Hey guys, so this is officially the longest chapter I have ever written on my phone! Yay! In this one, the POVs switch back and forth a few times, starting with Mello, then Matt, then Mello, and then it ends with Matt. I think that's all, so…enjoy! Oh, and this one is based after Mello leaves Wammy's and after Matt finds him two years later, and now they're already boyfriends again. Okay?**

**I hope your hand gets better Jaunt!**

Matt: Age 16 Mello: Age 18

Mello's POV:

It was snowing out. Shit it was snowing out. I had completely forgotten about that. Gahh I'm such an idiot! Matt's still out there! Allow me to explain. Today at "work", AKA the mafia, there were a bunch of mess ups, a few issues, and a lot of violence. Let's just say by the end of the day, I was ready to snap a lot more than just my chocolate. My patience isn't to good in the first place. Anyway, so when I got home I was on my last nerve, and I kinda lashed out at the first person I talked to. And it was Matt. I'm such an ass.

All he had said was "Hey.". That's it. Just one word, and I snapped. I don't even know fully what I said to him, but I know it ended with "You're so worthless just get the hell out of my home." And so he did. Right out in to the snow, in the -2 degrees weather, with nothing but his normal clothes. That's right, I'm such a heartless bastard I didn't even let him get a jacket. "Matt I'm so sorry." I whispered as I tried calling him once again. I had been pacing around the room of this shitty apartment for the last... I don't know, since I had first tried calling him. I looked down at the time. It was now three thirty in the morning. I had gotten home about eleven.

He's been out there for four hours. Four freaking hours! I grabbed another chocolate bar and started scarfing it down. It's a nervous habit, shut up. That's it, I've got to go looking for him. I grabbed my jacket and a few blankets, along with the keys to the car. He didn't even have the car. His car. I had taken the keys. I'm such a dumbass. I was about to open the door to go out when I heard a tiny feeble knock and a weak voice call out "Mello...? P-please let me c-come in...".

I knew instantly who it was and flung open the door, and looked down. Matt was on his knees, collapsed, his hair completely disarrayed, and coveted with snow and water, like the entire rest of himself. He was super pale, paler than he was to begin with, which is saying a lot. His lips were grey and he was shaking so, so much. He was too weak to even lift his head to look at me. I dropped the keys and my jacket and grabbed him quickly. "Matt! Oh my god I'm so sorry I'm such a-" I stopped talking as I realized how freezing he really was in my arms, how tremors seemed to rack his entire body. I quickly picked him up and ran to the bedroom and quickly started pealing off his soaking wet and icy clothes. Oh god he was so pale, he looked dead.

Once all his clothes were off (shut up immature ones, or I will come over there, after all, he is my boyfriend, it's not like I haven't seen this before) I pulled a new pair of boxers on him so he wasn't completely naked before I almost shoved him under the covers and started piling on blankets. His breathing was becoming fainter by the second. I pressed my fingers to his neck, searching for a pulse. It was there, but it was weak, like it would stop any second. "Come on Matty, please be okay!" I whispered as he fell completely unconscious.

Matt's POV:

It hurt so bad. Everything. And it was so cold. So very, very, cold. My throat felt like someone had poured fire down it. My head felt like I had been hit by a train. My stomach felt like tidal waves were crashing together inside. Everything, just everything hurt. I finally managed to open my eyes though. It was morning, I could tell, light was streaming in from the windows. Oh god the light. It hurt my head even more. Wait, window? How the hell did I get back insi- Mello. Of course.

I turned my head weakly to see him, curled up in a chair beside the bed, sleeping. I suddenly felt my chest lurch and pain erupted as I started coughing. I wanted to scream. I felt a warm hand be placed on my back gently until I stopped. Mello was awake. Shit. I managed to look wearily at him. "Mello...?" I whispered, testing my voice. I sounded awful.

In a flash he was up, closing the curtains, and laying me back down in to the blankets. He started to pull away but I grabbed his hand, not wanting to let go. He was so warm. I pulled my boyfriends hand closer to me and huddled against it. "Matt, what the hell are you-" "Oh god can you please stop yelling?" I asked quietly, his loud voice causing my head to pound. He automatically shut up and crawled in to the bed with me, pulling me closer to him. That was much better. I curled against him, resting my head inside the crook of his neck and mumbling "Thanks." before I quickly fell back asleep.

Mello's POV:

Why the hell did he say thanks after what I did to him? He can't even stay awake, he has a fever, and I almost killed him last night! I really don't deserve him. He doesn't deserve this, he deserves someone kind and gentle who won't freaking lock him out in a blizzard.

Matt's POV:

The second I woke up again, my stomach seemed to have a panic attack. I was about to get up and force myself to run to the bathroom when Mello managed to produce a trash can. As demeaning as it seemed, I puked. When I finally pulled away, feeling empty and disgusting, my stomach heaved and I doubled over in pain against the blonde. He stroked my hair and soothingly rubbed my back. Whoah. Since when is Mello soothing? What happened to the badass mafia leader seme Mello? I wasn't complaining though.

A few moments later he got up and brought me a glass of water. I could barely drink it but it managed to get the god awful taste out of my mouth. "Matty?" I heard him ask gently once I handed him back the glass. "Yeah?" I whispered, looking up. "I'm so sorry." he said quietly in my ear, pulling me in to his arms again. "It's okay Mello...I love you." I replied faintly, drifting back to sleep again in his arms. The last thing I heard before I was totally out was "I love you too."


	6. Chapter 6 Heat

**It's so hot here right now, why not make my two favorite characters suffer along with me?^.^**

Mello: Age 18 Matt: Age 17

Matt's POV

Oh dear god it was so mother fucking hot. I can literally feel the sun burning me through the walls and ceiling, if that is even freaking possible. For the last five days or so this is all it's been. So goddamn hot. And of course, the shitty apartment complex's air conditioning units had broken. Isn't that just absolutely fucking wonderful? And as if that wasn't bad enough, Mello's chocolate melted. Which means Mello is chocolate-less. We're all screwed. Those are all the cons.

The pros; I get to lounge around the house all day on the couch with three plug in fans in my boxers with Mello, cause the Mafia decided to take a break till their hideout became inhabitable again. Which means I get to sit on the couch with Mello, who is also in his boxers. I think the pros definitely outweigh the cons. I took this moment to pause my game and glance down at the half naked blonde lying next to me, his head resting against my thigh. Small beads of sweat were tracing their way down his chest, down the perfect pale skin, and the badass scar that laced his side. He thought it made him ugly. Ha! I don't think Mello could ever be ugly. In fact, the scar made him down right sexy. Don't tell him that though.

He looked up at me and blinked tiredly. "God Matt it's so hot…." he groaned, sitting up and leaning his head on my shoulder. "I know." I muttered back, grabbing a fan and dragging it closer to us. I sighed slightly as the semi cool air blew against me. I felt gross. I really needed a shower. But the water was out. Again. Mello suddenly reached up and brushed some of my hair plastered to my face and goggles off and removed my orange shield on the world. He had better know how damn lucky he is, if anyone else tried to take my goggles now, they'd leave with a hole in between their eyes.

Mello threw the offending object to the other side of the couch before flipping me underneath him and lying down on my chest. He felt surprisingly cool against me. "Hey Matt….wanna do me a really big favor?" he asked, looking up in to my eyes, his own filled with lust and his trademark iciness. His stare even made me feel cold. "Yeah sure Mells, what do you need?" I replied, yawning. "Got to the store and buy me some new chocolate?" He smirked. Of course. Why was I not surprised.

"Get up and buy it yourself, its freaking one hundred degrees out there and-" my words were cut off as he crashed his lips over mine, quickly taking dominance. When he pulled away, he licked his lips slightly before whispering in a very hot voice "Matt, go to the store and get me chocolate before I shoot you or worse." And with his statement he trailed a hand up my chest to rest just below my throat. I muttered a large amount of obscenities, but I wasn't dumb enough to think he was kidding, so I shoved him off and pulled on my jeans and a striped muscle shirt. I managed to get on my combat boots too before grabbing the keys to his motorcycle and walked out the door. The things I do for that damn mother fucking sexy blonde. I could feel the temperature rise the second I stepped out. All the light hurt my eyes and gave me an instant headache. Of course I hadn't grabbed my goggles.

I ran down the stairs, not trusting the elevator, and quickly got on the bike before speeding off towards the nearest store. No one was out on the roads, and almost all the buildings I saw were closed. I finally found a gas station that was open and went in, dragging myself of the bike. Why was I here again? Oh yeah. My boyfriend. The store was empty, excluding a single brown haired cashier girl who couldn't have been older than me wearing a way to tight shirt and a way to short skirt.

Ignoring her, I grabbed about ten bars of chocolate, a few packs of cigs, as well as two bottles of water. I went up to the counter and quickly started to hand them to the girl, hoping she would catch my drift of "No BS and leave me alone please." but apparently, that didn't work. "You need a place to cool off, babe?" She asked, casually dropping the sleeve of her shirt down a few inches. I did not need not see that. Wow. She reminds me a lot of Linda. I shuddered. "No thanks." She looked a bit dejected, but like I cared. She quickly finished checking out the stuff before handing me the bag and I walked out. Pausing at the door, I called back over my shoulder "And plus, I don't fly that way." and walked out.

The drive back made me want to puke, it was so gross out. I wonder if I could blow up the sun… Anyway, I finally managed to get back to the complex and parked the bike before dragging myself back up the stairs and in to our room. I threw the bag at where I thought Mello was and quickly shed off my clothes, except for my boxers, and walked straight to bed. I suddenly felt something crawl on me. I glanced up. Mello was straddling my chest, smirking, pinning my wrists above my head. "Matty, you're my bitch."


	7. Chapter 7 Left All Alone

**This chapter made me nearly cry to write, but it had to be done at some point…**

Mello: Age 15 Matt: Age 15

Matt's POV:

"L's dead." The second those words were spoken, a pit formed in my stomach. I knew what that meant. I swallowed hard, looking up at Mello's cold, emotionless face, and his pained, sorrowful eyes. "Who did he choose?" I asked quietly, praying for the first time in my life to a god I didn't believe in that it was him, Mello. "He didn't choose. I'm supposed to work with Near." He replied. His eyes turned cold then too, and I knew that this was it. This was the end. He was leaving. I could feel it. It wasn't a shock at all to hear him say a few minutes later

"I can't stay here. I'll catch Kira on my own. I'll beat Near." I sighed, but nodded, getting up to go start packing my own bags. "Matt." He raised his hand to stop me, and I froze. No. No. NO! I knew what was coming. His eyes were so, so cold. "I'm not taking you." I looked up at him. Staring. Unmoving. Like we were frozen in time. "Mells, please I-" "No." He didn't even let me finish, let me tell him how much he means to me, let me tell him he can't leave me here, let me tell him I'll die without him. Mello was like my drug. I was addicted, utterly infatuated, and if I didn't have him, I couldn't function, I couldn't breathe, I couldn't live.

"Why?" I asked, my voice growing fainter by the second. "I don't love you. I don't want you. And where I'm going, you sure as hell aren't coming." He monotonously stated, his voice unwavering. He was lying. I could tell, after all these years, but his eyes. They felt like daggers, piercing me with each word. I could feel tears begin to well up. I wanted to scream, to cry, anything, I would do anything, to get my Mello, my Mihael, to stay with me. "You know that's not true." I whispered, my own voice scaring myself, I never thought any human being can sound so….. so sad, so alone, so dead.

He either didn't listen, or didn't care. He simply just walked over to the closet and started unceremoniously stuffing clothes and his belongings in to a black duffel bag. "Mello, please listen to me I-" "Shut up, Matt." That hurt. He hissed those words back. He didn't care. He didn't want to hear it. A part of me wanted to tell myself that the reason he couldn't bare for me to talk was because he couldn't handle leaving, and that he wouldn't be able to leave if I told him or asked him. I told that part of my mind to go fuck itself. Mello was not that type of person. I would know.

But I also knew deep down there was no way I'd let him go without a fight. Not now. From the day I had met this boy, I had been in love. At the time, I had no idea what it was. At the age of thirteen, I was positive. At fourteen, I had confessed. He confessed too. And now, he was just throwing it all away? Hell. No. "Mello. There is no way I'm-" "Matt, I thought I told you, shut the hell up, I don't want to listen to you!" He yelled. He had never yelled at me before. He had by now apparently finished packing, and was slowly edging his way to the door, around me.

In a flash I was up, blocking his way from the exit from my life. "Matt. Move." He said calmly, his eyes stabbing even more. I could almost literally blades sliding through my skin, the blood falling to the floor as the one person I ever loved slowly cut out my heart. And not just the one I loved, but the one I trusted, cared for, admired, looked up too, idolized. I could almost pity him. L had been his idol, and now he was dead. If Mello died, I would be a wreck, I would probably, no, in fact, I would kill myself. But this wasn't Mello. This was a man we had barely met who we were to succeed. Like I said. Almost.

"No." He scowled. "Matt, move out of my way, damn it!" He yelled. Again with the yelling. I pulled own my goggles to rest around my neck and looked straight in to his eyes. "No." He looked down for a moment. I could see his eyes harden, seem to almost glow with fire, with fury. "Matt. I will ask you one more time. Move." "Mello. I'm not moving unle-" My words were cut off as a fist landed perfectly in to my ribs. I couldn't breathe, the air knocked out of me. He hit me. My Mello. He hit me.

I looked up at him, as tears actually streaming down as I fell to the ground and curled in to a ball, gasping for air. He stepped over me. He reached the door. Without saying a word he opened the door. "Mihael… why?" I whispered, just loud enough for him to hear. This time he froze, he wavered. He turned to look at me one more time. His mask was gone. I could see what he truly felt. His eyes were so, so sad, as if each step away from me hurt him. His eyes were filled with love and guilt, remorse. His eyes were silently begging for forgiveness. I knew I would forgive him in an instant. I always would. I'd always come to his call. I'd always be there.

He pulled me up and for one last time, kissed me. It was the most pain filled and sorrowful kiss I had ever felt or seen. He pulled away, dropping me back to the floor. "I'm sorry." He whispered to me, and the door shut as my life, my love, my Mello walked out, and left me in the dark.

That night it stormed.

That night I cried.

That night, my heart broke in two.

That night, I had nightmares.


	8. Chapter 8 Empty, Silent, and Broken

**I don't know if this one is that sad, I didn't think it was too much, but hey. Poor poor angsty Matt.**

Matt: age 16 (Mello's gone)

Matt's POV:

The halls were empty. The halls were silent. My room was cold. It had made me insane. My room was empty. My room was silent. Our room. What used to be our room. The children were empty. The children were silent. They were all silent to me. The silence had made me insane. My eyes are empty. I am silent. My heart is empty. I am dying in silence. He had left months ago. But I was empty. Cold. Alone. Frozen. A shell of what I used to be. My love was gone. My life was gone. My addiction was gone. Mello was gone. I was gone.

I had left too. A month ago. I couldn't stand it. The halls had been so empty, since he had left. The halls had been so silent. I took up multiple hacking jobs, the one thing I was good at without him. It was a harsh, empty routine that took over my life. I went through days after days hollow. Not feeling. Not noticing. Dying.

I started chain-smoking, anything to replace him. It didn't, of course. But it helped. It gave me something to look forwards to, to wait for. I also started cutting. Razor blades, pocket knives, anything to replace the blades he had in his eyes that cut out my heart. Anything to replace the pain. To express my own. Anything.

I couldn't find him. I had tried everything. I had spent weeks without sleep searching every possible database, loose end, clue, anything. Anything for him. I barely recognized myself anymore. I still had the red hair he loved so much, but it's faded. Dull. My eyes are lifeless. Cold. Empty. I had lost a lot of weight. I didn't care about myself, anyway, but he had always been the one to keep me away from the edge. I looked like a walking corpse. I was dead inside.

Scars laced my arms and wrists. I had never tried to kill myself. I knew I couldn't do that to him. I knew deep down one day he would need me, and I would come running. He would need me. That was the only thing keeping me alive. Barely so, but alive.

Each night I had nightmares. They were sometimes about my parents. Their dead, mangled bodies. Sometimes about the abuse I received from them. The scars that laced my back were proof of that. But the worst, the ones I had most often, were about him. Him, dying. Him, killing. Him killing me. Him, telling me he hated me. Him, telling me to die. Those were the worst. He had always been the one to chase them away from me. To take care of me. He had always been my angel.

He was slowly killing me. Mello, your killing me, killing me. But I don't hate him. I could never hate him. Never. He is the only person in the empty world who can use me, pull my strings, anything, as long as I am with him. He is the only person who can see my eyes.

I wonder if he even misses me. I doubt it. If he did, he would have called. He would have emailed. Anything. That was the one thing I was mad at him for. He left me, in the dark, and I had no idea whether or not he was safe, happy, alive. He had better be.

I had given up calling him though, of course. In fact, I had never even tried. I knew for a fact he had gotten a new phone, changed his number, covered his tracks. Just like I had shown him how to. I could almost be proud of him. Almost. But oh god, he was killing me.

I almost wanted to quit. To give up on finding him. To not come when he called. To show him what it was like to be left alone, in the cold. In the emptiness. In the silence. But I couldn't. I loved him too much. I missed him too much. I needed him too much. I would die without him.

Everywhere I looked, I saw him. I was haunted. I was empty. I was dead. I heard his voice everywhere. I felt his eyes watching me. I remembered the pain. Because without Mello, my love, my life, my addiction, there was no Matt. Without Mihael, there was no Mail. And until the day he needed me, until the day I would be with him again, I would be silent. I would be empty. I would be broken.

Until then

Bury me,

Bury me.


	9. Chapter 9 Nightmares

Matt: Age 16 (Mello's gone)

Matt's POV

A punch. A kick. A cut. A gun taken. Cocked. Aimed. Fired. Pain. Blood. Red. A flash of blonde hair. A glimpse of blue eyes. A familiar, haunting laugh. His laugh. He was laughing as I died. Dying. His bullet. His gun. His action. His fault. Dying. Black.

I wake up in a flash, clutching my heart where the bullet had been, gasping, screaming "Mello!" Tears, flowing. Again. It was the same every night. A nightmare. For the last few days it had been a pattern of kills. Of watching myself die at his hand. So far I'd been stabbed, strangled, drowned, and now shot.

I needed him so badly. I quickly glanced around my room a few times, taking in the sight I'd seen so much of. I managed to calm down my pounding heart. But not the cruel feeling of loneliness as I once again remembered that the space beside me was empty. I looked at the clock. It was almost four in the morning. Great.

I dragged myself out of bed, grabbing my phone and DS and sitting down on the couch. I always sat to the left side. It was a habit I had never broken. He'd always sat on the right. I'm so pathetic.

There were no new messages on my phone. There hadn't been since he had left. I swallowed hard as I looked at the screensaver. It showed the two of us, smiling, laughing, as smoke erupted from Near's room. That had been a good day. It had been the day I had realized I was in love. My phone fell from my fingers to the couch. I let the tears fall. I didn't care anymore about masks. Hiding. There was no one and nothing to hide from.

I couldn't remember the last time I had left the apartment. Or smiled. Or laughed. It was impossible for me. Each time I managed to be happy, it only reminded me of him and the fact that he wasn't here. I could feel him all around me every day, thickening the air I breathed, not letting my broken heart heal. Slowly me eyes grew heavy and I managed to drift back to sleep.

Smoke. Fire. Ash. Pain. Trapped. Tied to a post as fire grew closer and closer. His laughter. Always his laughter. His eyes. Him. His lighter. His rope. His fault. Red. Pain. Burning. Dying. Don't want to wake up. I didn't want to wake up. He could kill me hundreds of times over, as long as he was here. With me. I almost treasured these nightmares. I could see him. Dying. Dead.

Wake up. Alone empty. Still dying, just in a different way. In the distance I heard a soft crash of thunder. A storm was coming. I sighed. I glanced back to my phone, looking at the calendar I had programmed in. It had now been more than two years since he had left. But there was more. "Happy seventeenth birthday Mells." I choked out, more tears about to spill.

I hoped wherever he was, he was happy. He was safe. He wasn't missing me, torn down by memories. I really hoped. Outside my window, city lights were beginning to turn off in the morning light as the sun rose and normal people left their homes to go through their daily lives.

I lived on the outskirts of LA. My only lead that had actually went somewhere had said Mello was somewhere in LA. I hoped he was, too. Whenever he needs me, I'll be close, waiting, always. I won't let him fall, even if he doesn't want me here. Always. But until then, I'll just let the nightmares take me, let me see his face, until he can be the ones to chase me away. Until he can be the one to save me.


	10. Chapter 10 Guilty Love

Mello: Age 17 Matt: age 16 (Mello's still gone)

Mello's POV

"Goodnight boss." another man yelled as he drove away on an old and stolen motorcycle. I didn't reply. I just got on my own and sped off. The night air was cool, as usual. I sighed as the streets flew by. Another day, gone. Another day with the guilt of each step, each second, each thought. I couldn't get my mind of him.

Just by talking for barely a minute with our hacker made me think of him. Just one thought. One sentence. That's all it took to bring back the memories. "Matty would be so much better than him." That's all it took. I really do miss him.

I thought I could just leave. Not care. Be strong. I was wrong. So very very wrong. Now all I can feel is this guilt. The guilt I left him. The guilt I hurt him. The guilt I broke his heart. I hoped he hated me. I don't think I would be able to even face him if he still loved me after what I did to him.

At least I had broken down and told him I was sorry. Knowing that helped a bit. But not enough. I finally reached my current home, a hideout used by my sector of the mafia, even though it really belonged to that dumbass Rod. I didn't talk to anyone as I walked down to my private room. I smiled slightly once the door was shut behind me.

Sitting on the bedside table were as many pictures of him as I had. It wasn't a large amount, only three or four, but seeing them each day made me smile. It was a tradition of mine. "I'm sorry." I whispered to them. Another tradition. Each night I prayed he heard my apologies. That he was happy. Safe.

I almost considered calling him a few times. But I couldn't. He would track the call and come here, to find me. He would most likely be killed. Although there was a small chance of that. I had carefully, one by one, briefed each and every one of my men to never ever kill him. Ever. Or hurt, or even touch or breath on him. I was not taking any chances. Even if he wasn't in LA, which I doubted, I'm sure he had at least traced me here. Each man knew his name, his face, is age, and all other information. The chances of him being hurt were slim, but the result of if he was, were, well, very undesirable.

I still wouldn't risk it though. At least not now. Not until I need him. For now, I'll just keep him safe. Safe. Ha. I wanted to laugh at myself. My only way to keep the boy I loved from getting hurt was by threatening a group of Mafia members at gun point to not even shoot anyone in a striped shirt or to go near a game store. What a joke. I should be with him.

But I have more goals. More things to do. And for me, he is everything, my love, and love is a weakness and I do not tolerate weaknesses. "But Matty, he wasn't a weakness, he made me stronger…" a small voice in my mind stated. I hoped that voice was right. I hoped my heart was right. It was right.

Matt only ever made me stronger. He fought for me, protected me even when I wouldn't admit I needed it, he cared for me over himself, he trusted me, he knew me. He knew my name. I remember it clearly. "Mihael…why?" he had asked. That was what had made me stop. It had nearly shattered my heart, to look back at him. At his eyes.

Oh god his eyes. They were filled with so much pain, so much betrayal, so much love and heartbreak. Oh why did he love me? Of all people, I was least likely person for him to deserve, to love. But his eyes, they had stopped me. They had killed me. I had almost not left because of them. Of him. Almost.

But I had to leave. I had to beat Near, and I will beat him. I will. I will succeed L. I will catch Kira. And I will be with him when this is all over. I will beg for forgiveness, on my hands and knees if needed. I will give up all the chocolate in the world for him. I will tell him I love him.

I love you, Matt.

I love you, Mail.


	11. Chapter 11 Flames

**YES! I did it, I finally wrote this chapter^.^ Okayz, so Jaunt, you are gonna be in the next chapter. You're J. Enjoy XD**  
Matt: age 16 Mello: age 17

Mello's POV:

I had failed, it was over, I had lost the death note. I had lost. Yagami had won. Kira had won. Near had won. There was only choice. Only one chance. Only one way. He had my real name. He had said it out loud. Only one way out. My grip tightened around the black detonator and I pushed the trigger down.

Red erupted everything. Fire crackled and roared as I was thrown back in to ten hellish remains of the mafia headquarters. The entire left side of my body, from my forehead to my waist, erupted in pain. I was burning. I was trapped, I couldn't get up.

I nearly screamed as a piece of the ceiling fell on to me, pinning me down. I was going to die. I could feel the air becoming toxic and my lungs seemed to wither in defeat. I could smell the horrible reek of burning flesh, my guess was it was my own. All around I could see the broken remains of the building, and fire. Whatever scrap of wreckage I was stuck on was nearly drenched in blood. My blood.

Yes, I was dying. What would Matty do when he heard- Wait, that's it. I weakly managed to get out my phone and pry it open, carefully typing in the number I had wanted to forget so very badly. It rang once. Twice. Maybe he wouldn't pick up, I wouldn't be surprised- "Mello?" I heard his voice waver, half panicked half relieved. Ah, his voice. I had missed that so much. "Mello, are you there? Mello?"

Damn it, I need to speak before it all went black, my consciousness was fading rather quickly after all. "Matt...help... M-me..." and I ended the call, coughing, as all the light drained out form the world and changed to a pitch bkack filled with complete and utter agony.

Matt's POV:

"Matt...help... M-me..." he whispered, I could hear the weakness and pain in his voice. My phone beeped and I realized he had hung up. The moment my phone had rung I had jumped up. So there I was, standing in the middle of the living room, clutching my phone, tears pouring down my face. Mello, what the hell happened, please don't die.

I grabbed my car keys and sprinted as fast as I could down the stairs to my car, practically jumping in and driving off with one hand, using the other to trace the call as fast as I could. Of course he would be the one that has security codes in his phone.

"Come on come on!" I yelled, not sure whether it was to my phone or to the other people driving or myself or him. Oh god Mello. Don't die. I don't care what you did just please don't die. My phone beeped again, the tracking was done. The signal came from somewhere out in the desert. Bingo.

I slammed my foot down as hard as I could on the gas and accelerated way beyond the limit towards the location, praying over and over in my head and in my heart once again to a god I didn't believe in that he was okay. That he would live. That I could find him.

By the time I was within five miles of the signal, I could see a huge pillar of smoke, and the glowing of fire. Oh god. Mello. It seemed like an eternity before I reached the scorching ruin. He must be in there somewhere. I jumped out of the car, and ran inside. It was black everywhere, smoke covering every nice and ash littering what had once been the floor. "Mello?" I screamed. I could see at least a little due to my goggles, but the smoke was just so dense. My nose and lungs burned and I felt my legs being cut and scorched as I ran through the fire, searching. Searching. Searching.

"Mello!" Still no reply. I was about to run the other way to continue seating when I saw a flash of blonde amongst a fire and pile of rubble. I shoved myself down and started trying to pull the stuff off him and kill the fire. It was so heavy and so hot. My hands seemed to be dying, and I could feel blood pouring down my legs. But I didn't give a damn.

It took a few minutes but I managed to lift the shrapnel off and grab Mello. He was covered in blood too. He was unconscious and shaking, his breath labored out and shallow. It was either adrenaline or the fact he weighed only a few more pounds than me that I was able to carry him back to my car through all the wreck and lay him down on the backseats. I coughed harshly as I climbed back in and sped off, staining almost all the leather in my car red with both my own and his blood.

I couldn't take him to to the hospital. I couldn't let him die in the backseat of my car either. I had only one choice. I drove like I was in grand theft auto to the only other people I knew who I could trust in the world, a pair of hackers and their boyfriends. J and R. The only issue was they lived over an hour away from where I was...


	12. Chapter 12 Help

Matt: age 16, Mello: Age 17, Jaunt and Logan: age 19, Reth and Will: age 16

Matt's POV

Driving. Faster. Driving. My eyes never tore away from the road once. Well, no, that's a lie, I did constantly glance back at Mello, making sure he was still breathing, still holding on.

"If we both survive this I'm making R and J get apartments next door to mine." I whispered to myself, joking, trying to keep my mind off the chances of him dying. But I wasn't completely kidding, I will make them move, this is insane.

I looked up at a stop light as I ran it, not caring about the annoyed yells of people sticking their heads out their windows as I sped by. Only three more miles to go. Faster. Faster. FASTER damn it! I slammed on the brakes and turned in to the empty lot outside the hackers' hideout.

From the outside it looked like an old abandoned warehouse. The inside looked like if a hacking and gaming nerd died and went to heaven, then heaven was this house. I flung open the car door and threw myself out, grabbing Mello and rushing him to the door.

The only ways to tell you were in the right place were the two gothic letters printed on the door and the faint sound of COD Black-Ops and rock music. I kicked the door, not trusting myself to knock while holding Mello. Silence.

I kicked again, yelling "Reth, open the door!" a few moments later the door swept open. Reth looked back at me for about three seconds before whirling around and yelling "Scheise Matt. Jaunt, get out here!" In most cases I would have laughed at her random language switch, but there were much more pressing matters.

I walked inside and kicked the door shut behind me, following her deeper inside. I had met Reth, otherwise known as R, when I was working on a job to corrupt a computer. I had been told that this computer had files that had been stolen from the man who hired me and that he didn't want those files in anyone's hands. The computer had ended up being hers.

The second I had gotten in to the computer, my laptop froze and turned black and then a note had popped up. The note had been in german, which luckily enough I knew. It roughly translated to "kindly get the hell out of my computer or I will fucking kill you, okay?" she had signed it with R. That had probably been the only time I had laughed since he left.

I had replied and apologized and she unfroze my computer, and then we started emailing back and forth. I had then found out she lived in the same area as me along with another hacker, and we became friends.

I was snapped out of my thoughts as I saw Jaunt appear, followed by his boyfriend Logan and Reth's boyfriend Will. "Matt, what did you do this time?" Jaunt asked and took Mello from my arms and hissing slightly in awe of the amount of damage.

"Please just help him." I managed to say, black dots flying before my eyes. I honestly hoped to god that the two renowned hackers had the skills to save him. I would die without him. And with that last thought I collapsed in to someone's arms and went unconscious.

I woke up once or twice, though I never opened my eyes. I did occasionally catch the sound of conversations, mainly in German, and blaring music. "May or may not make it-" "Lost a lot of blood-" "Scars for life-" "Risked his life-" Those were the only fragments my mind was able to pick up amongst the pain and the drifting between consciousness. The changes between languages didn't help either. I just wanted him to be okay. Please be okay. Mello, please!

In my dreams all I could do was watch as all the things he said began to run through my head. I thought I was losing my mind. When I did open my eyes I instantly sat up, searching the room for him. He wasn't there. The room was black, and I was lying on the bed. On the walls were a bunch of band posters, a few of which I recognized, like "Tokio Hotel" and "Pierce the Veil". This was Reth's room.

But she wasn't in here which meant….. she was out with the others helping Mello. I went to stand up, but my legs crumpled beneath me. They were wrapped in bandages up past my knees. I was in boxers. I didn't care about my injuries, I just wanted him to be okay.

I had finally found him, and I wasn't about to let him go, not without a fight and not without me. Not this time. Not again. He's mine.


	13. Chapter 13 Scars and Voices

Matt: 16, Mello: 17, Jaunt and Logan: 19, Reth and Will: 16

I couldn't stand it. Staring blankly at band posters, a desk covered in laptops, a dark and shut off TV, my ears filled with silence. I honestly didn't know how long I had been in here, but it was killing me. I had given up worrying about myself. Now all I could do was worry about him.

I just couldn't stand it. I needed to know if he was okay. My body could go to hell just please let him be okay. I would throw myself off a ledge for him to heal, to live, to be okay- Matt snap out of it! He LEFT you. He left me.

But… but I love him…..

I nearly cried with joy when the door opened, and Jaunt and Logan walked in. Finally. I shot up "Is Mello al-" "Chill." That was the response I got. Great. Just abso-fucking-lutely what I wanted to hear. I needed to know!

No you don't Mail. Hate him. Think about what he did to you. Remember your scars.

But… but I love him.

Ah. Great. I'm having an argument with fucking little voices in my head. I'm definitely not insane.

If I were it'd be because of him…..

However, neither of them looked guilty. Or sad. That was a good sign. I realized right then and there I really wanted a cig. Or a razor. Which ever came first.

Shit. Speaking of razors, my wrists were bandaged too. Reth must have found out when she fixed my burns.

Anyway, the two guys helped me sit up with my legs hanging over the edge of the bed and carefully took off the old bandages before replacing them. Mind you, that shit really fucking killed.

The skin of my once perfect and skinny legs looked bruised and bloodstained, but I knew that was just the burns. I'm pretty sure I also saw a few stiches. Oh well.

"Is Mello alive? Is he okay?" I managed to yell out before either of them could interrupt me again. Both nodded.

Yes! He was alright. "You can come see him if you want..." Logan offered, not really needing an answer. It hurt like hell to walk down the hallway to where Mello was, but I didn't give a damn. This is Mello we're taking about.

He was sleeping. He kept on grimacing though. His entire left side was wrapped in bandages. Reth walked over and stood beside me, Will beside her and Jaunt and Logan on the other side.

The room was silent for a few minutes. Oh god I hate silence. Finally she spoke, though it was quiet and in German.

"Er rief ihr name ein paar Mal. Er sprach: "Es tut mir leid."  
I swallowed hard. A few tears threatened to spill over.

She had said he had called my name. She had said he had said he was sorry. Mello. Oh hell, Mello.

I sat at his bedside for hours. Unmoving. Hoping he would wake up. Eventually I drifted to sleep, the pain and exhaustion finally getting to me.

I had another nightmare. It showed him, trapped amongst the fire, unable to escape. He was writhing around in agony, blood splattering everywhere. His last breath spent calling for me, yelling for me to save him. "Matt!"

I blinked open my eyes at the voice I knew so well, at the voice I had cried over each night since the day he left. He really was calling for me. Mello. I looked down at him, in to his eyes.

They were the same as they had always been. I couldn't look away. He was holding my hand with his good one. I realized that my hand that he was holding no longer had bandages on it. Shit.

His fingers were delicately stroking the rib like scars. I didn't know if I should feel ashamed or relieved. Or both. "Matt. Why would you do this...?" he asked weakly, tracing the raised skin. I thought deeply. Oh so very many many possible answers and outcomes.

I smiled ever so slightly. Why? That was an excellent question. "Anything... Anything to replace the blades, the pain, anything for you." Tears were by now rolling down my cheeks. That was my best answer. The one with the least bull. The one I could say without completely breaking down.

The others had long since evicted the room. Smart. I almost wished I could join them. I simply sat there, crying along side my soulmate, my first and only love, the one who had shredded my heart and yet had fixed it and never let it go. All because of a stupid, simple, one worded question.

"I'm sorry." he replied. "Why?"It was my turn for this question. I had waited long enough to ask. "Why what?" Of course he wouldn't know. I needed to know. I had to. I longed to hear the truth, to find a way to fill the voice in the back of my head telling me to hate him, that it was my turn to leave him, to screw him over, make him stay up night after night crying, turn the tables and not come running back. "Why did you leave me?"

Silence.

My breath hitched.

Silence.

Tears fell.

Silence.

My heart shattered

Silence.

But….. but I love him.

Does he love me?


	14. Chapter 14 Smile

**A.N: So today I made a tumblr account. It's the same as my Fanfiction username and everything. I also had a dive meet. It went from 6:00 in the morning to 1:00 in the afternoon. IT WAS SO BORING AND SO FREAKING HOT! GAHHH! **

**Reviews make me smile…**

**And remind me to write the next chapter faster…..**

Matt: 16, Mello: 17

(J, R, and the others will be in the next one)

Matt's POV  
"Matt I- I left because I- I left because I'm a coward. I left because I couldn't stand the thought of losing to Near, I couldn't stand having weaknesses. And I thought that you…. You were a weakness. I thougth I had to leave my weaknesses behind to win. To get first. I was wrong. I- I...I'm sorry."

He's sorry. Mello. Sorry. Well of course he's sorry. Or I hope he is. I want to believe he is. But the question was would I forgive him?

Of course I would.

It's Mello.

My Mello.

I love him.

"I know. Mello I-" I couldn't finish my sentence. Tears were beginning to trail down my face. I had forgiven him long ago, excepted I wasn't mad, why was I so god damn torn up about this? It was his choice, I should respect that.

I had excepted he left. And that was that. I hadn't ever been mad. Or angry. Just sad. Lost. Alone.

Shouldn't I feel at least a little grudge for that? For leaving me? For yelling? For hitting me?

For breaking my heart?

But then again, the only things I'd ever respected in my life was him, and any really good video game with great graphics and a lot of gore. And the video games were far behind him. Mello. He had always worked so hard, done his very best, pushed himself far beyond his limit. He had been the only person to stick by my side. To love me.

My parents had never loved me. The orphanage I first went to before Wammy's had never loved me.

Mello had.

That had been all I ever needed.

And I loved him too.

He needed to hear that.

"Mello I lo-" Before I could finish he grabbed the end of my shirt and pulled me down to him, pressing his lips to mine.

I had missed his kiss. His lips. His taste. It was a mix of chocolate and lust and just plain Him. It was god damn wonderful.

When he let me go and pulled back, he smiled slightly, wiping away my tears with his hand gently. "I love you too Matty." I froze. He loved me.

He loved me.

Mello loved me.

I smiled. A true, genuine smile I hadn't given in years. He smiled too, as much as he could without pulling on his burns. It was a classic, snarky, rebellious smile that could only be defined as Mello.

My Mello.

My Mihael.

I slid carefully next to him on the bed, looking at him contently, forcing my mind to process that this was really him and not another dream I had made up. He sighed softly, relaxing next to me.

Maybe things would work out now. Maybe everything would be okay.

"Matt?" he asked quietly. I nodded "yeah?" "Why don't you hate me?" Why don't I hate him? I could never hate him. It would kill me. Never. Ever.

"I can't hate you. No matter what you do I could never hate you. You can yell at me, hit me, abuse me, even kill me, and I would never hate you."

He was silent for a few moments, just looking down at me. I couldn't read his eyes. I didn't know if that were good or bad. I thought I saw a tear. Thought, mind you.

"Matt?"

"Yeah?"

"I won't leave you ever again. I won't yell, I will never hit, I couldn't abuse, and I would die before I killed you."

I looked back up at him. He looked so longing, so knowing, so sure of his words, I couldn't help but fully believe him.

I fell to sleep against him that night, smiling.

It was a long and peaceful sleep.

I didn't have any nightmares.


	15. Chapter 15 Last Forever

**Update number 2, finished. WHAT NOW!**

**Matt's POV**

I was happy beyond belief when I woke up and Mello was there. Or should I say, still there. I had thought it had all been a dream.

I almost wished it had been, and then he wouldn't be hurt.

I silently got up and walked down to the living room, being very careful not to wake him up. I found Reth, sitting on top of Will, and Jaunt and Logan sitting together all on a couch, watching Lord of The Rings of the giant flat screen that Bill Gates could be jealous of.

Lucky bastards.

"Hey Matt." Jaunt said, not looking away from the screen. I nodded in response, still too tired to say anything. I headed straight to the kitchen. And grabbed whatever food I could find before scarfing it down.

What, I was hungry.

"Matt come watch with us." I heard Reth yell back at me. I sighed, but joined them none the less, though I paid absolutely no attention to the movie.

Well….maybe a paid just a bit of attention…. I mean come on! Have you seen those movies?! They're freaking awesome!

However, I kept on looking back at the room where Mello and I were staying, anxious for him to get up and be okay. Finally he walked out and took a seat beside me. I smiled and put my arm around him.

I wanted this moment to last forever, the two of us just sitting there, peaceful, watching an epic movie, with no care or worry. I almost completely forgot about Kira, and L, and everything else.

but no matter how much you want it to...

nothing can last forever…..


	16. Chapter 16 Worth It

**A.N: and here's the next update.**

Matt's POV

Five days later after of doing absolutely nothing, with no cares or worries, Mello decided it was time to get back to work. I was upset, but I knew I would have chance of arguing with him, and I knew he would never stop until he became number one.

Reth and Jaunt and the others were surprised that he wanted to leave so soon, especially considering the amount of his injuries, but they also had no chance of getting Mello to stop. So we packed up our things, said thank you for letting us stay for so long and for taking care of us, and then we left.

As we drove away, I got the feeling that that would be the last time that I ever saw any of the hackers and their boyfriends.

In fact I was certain. I knew that one day Mello and I would die, and I would gladly do it for him, but it was a bit sad to think about.

I mean, in all honesty, no one wants to die, no matter what for.

At least I had the comfort to know that Mello and I would be together in the end. Or at least, I hoped. Mello was going to go to heaven, after all. After every single thing he did that was illegal, or broke any one of his vows from his religion, he would pray and ask for forgiveness. He was so dedicated to stay pure, I guess you could say.

And plus, how could anyone, even the god he believed in, sentence my Mihael to suffer for eternity, when he was truly an angel on earth to begin with?

Whoah, when did I start sounding so poetic and shit?

I sound like one of those crappy romance novels.

I really need to get back to playing video games, all this romantic shit is gonna make me get all weird.

But hey, for him, it's totally worth it…..right?


	17. Chapter 17 Mirrors

**Exactly 1001 freaking words jacen, what now! Hahaha I win^.^**

Matt's POV:

The ride home began in silence, neither of us really knew what would be right to say. Mello kept on glancing up at the mirror in front of him and then back down again, his expression filled with worry. I was extraordinarily confused.

"Hey are you okay?" I asked quickly, looking over at him. He ignored me. I decided to be smart and stayed silent for the rest of the drive.

The second we walked in the door to our shitty apartment I tackled him to the ground, pinning his wrists above his head and straddling his waist. Come on I was desperate! He never saw it coming…..

"What the hell Matt, let me up!" He yelled, looking very surprised and very pissed. What is with him and yelling, I mean really. You would think he would get freaking tired of it every now and then. Oh well.

"Not until you tell me what the heck is wrong!" I replied, ignoring the pain when he tried to shove me off of him. I may not have wanted to admit it but I was seriously worried, and I wasn't about to let him get away with not telling me. Not again.

"Matt get off!" He hissed, trying to kick me off with as much fury as he could muster. Has he always been this strong? Huh. Maybe I just need to work out more…

I shook my head, staring back at him. He avoided my eyes, and I sighed.

"Mello, please?" I begged, trying to look as innocent as possible.

Ah yes, the attack of the puppy dog eyes get him every single time…..

He finally met my gaze and stared back, and I could tell he was about to surrender.

"Fine..."

VICTORY!

"It's my scar...it looks hideous..." he whispered and I froze.

Wait, what? Mello….the very personification of badassery...self conscious...about a stupid scar? I considered laughing my head off right then and there but quickly decided that would be a mistake considering the gun he had hanging at his side.

Or his knife.

Or anything else that could possibly splatter my brains all over the entire wall when wielded by a pissed off Mello…..

"Are you kidding?!" I almost yelled back, smiling. He glared back at me and I swear I heard him mumble something under his breath.

"What was that?" I asked, smiling more when he looked away quickly and managed to sit up.

He scowled harshly, which on most occasions would cause a grown man to run away in fear, but it didn't phase me. After all, you get used to it eventually.

"All it is is a reminder of my mistake. My failure. Its disgusting." He sighed. I felt bad, he looked almost like a kicked puppy.

"Oh come on, it's not that bad-"

"Matt, the entire fucking side of my face is melted off!" He yelled back, looking exasperated.

I honestly didn't know how to reply. He hadn't seen the scar until we had gotten to the car and left, as Jaunt had been smart enough to move away the mirrors, so I could see how it would be a big shock, but I didn't expect this. Mello had always managed to take things like this without a single complaint, and if anything, the scar made him look fucking sexy…

I smiled. "You know, most people think that scars are hot…and I think you make melted flesh look pretty damn good." I whispered as hotly as I could right in his ear. In a flash he had me flipped over and pinned underneath him, all traces of his worry and pain gone, replaced with a very evil looking smirk.

"Uhh…Mello?" I managed to gasp out as his lips practically attacked my throat.

"Yes…Matty?" He murmured against my skin. I twisted slightly underneath him. This was so not fair. In fact, I dare say this is cheating. However before I could voice my opinion I was pulled up to my feet and slammed against a wall.

"Making up for two years of no exposure to me are w-?" I was cut off as he kissed me. Before I had time to react he bit down on my lip and I gasped, which gave him the perfect opening to slip his tongue in.

I fought back as much as I could, even though there was no way in hell I'd be able to get dominance. Oh well, twas sweet wishful thinking I suppose.

Finally he pulled back and let me breath, and he laughed as I panted. I had no idea how me managed to not even break a sweat yet. I mean geeze!

"Mello…..what…." I managed to get out. I swear he has the ability to make it impossible to talk just by looking at you.

"Yes Matt? Do you have something to say?" he grinned. I swallowed hard and looked away while shaking my head.

"That's what I thought." He laughed. Damn over confident…super hot…leather clad….blonde….sexy…..evil bastard!

He sighed and pulled away, grabbing my arm to keep me from falling over.

"Thank you." He whispered as I slowly regained control over my legs and heart.

"What for?" I asked softly, and he smiled.

"What do you mean what for?! You saved my life after I ditched you for two years, you helped me heal, and then you helped me not feel quite so ugly anymore."

Ugly? Who in their right minds would ever consider my beautiful Mello ugly? They'd have to be pretty messed up.

Like worse-than-Beyond-Psycho messed up.

"It was nothing." I whispered, and if any of you dare say that I blushed, I will kill you.

No joke.

He took my hand and calmly lead me back in to the kitchen. I would have some bruises tomorrow but like I would care. He looked around for a few minutes, like he was searching for something.

"Hey Matt…. where the fuck is my chocolate?"


	18. Chapter 18 PLEASE READ

**Hey guys this is Reth, aka SGKandBeyond, and while I know this isn't a real update, I thought it needed to be done. Now I know a few of you guys might know a writer on here by the name of Chocopokkin, he's by far the coolest guy I've ever met, he's really sweet and nice and hilarious and I love his writing to bits. Anyway, he's going through an incredibly hard time right now, his mom passed away a few weeks ago and only a few days ago, his little brother preformed suicide. Some of you guys may or may not care, and most of you guys probably won't listen to me, but if any of you would take the time to PM him or write a review with support or something nice that might cheer him up, than it would mean a lot to both me and him if you guys would do that. Thank you so much,**

**Sincerely, **

**Stephanie Natalia**


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